Diary of a No-Buy, Vol. 2

On the fatigue of wanting without the release valve of buying, and being influenced.

About four weeks ago, I started journalling my thoughts on attempting a no-buy challenge for six weeks, to get into my own head and become more aware of why I do what I do.

Here are my entries for weeks three and four. I meant to publish these last week, but I think we all know how last week went, where global affairs are concerned. It’s certainly driven shopping out of my headspace, but I don’t expect that to last. Fashion and style are many things, and one of those things is escapism.

Sept 28, 2023

I woke up this morning and thought about checking into TRR to see if a pair of trousers I’d been eyeing had been further reduced, then remembered that I had deleted the app. I felt relief.

Then came the struggle to get dressed. I put on a skirt I hadn’t worn in a while and remembered why — it was too tight around the hip. I put on another skirt.

Because the weather was warm, I reach for clothes I haven’t worn since winter began. I put on a cotton twill boxy top, an old favourite, only to find it was a little snug around the armholes. Ditto a cotton shirt. Sigh.

I settle on a familiar favourite — an old light grey ribbed tee, a little sheer now, but still in decent shape. I love my 100% cottons but sometimes that 2% stretch is why something can live in your wardrobe year after year.

In the afternoon, I collect another skirt from my tailor — it was made from an old dress that no longer fit well (a recurring theme). The skirt is a breezy white seersucker number (with pockets!) and is perfect for the coming summer. Again, I feel that thrill of the new, but also the relief of being able to extend the life of a once-loved piece.

Sept 29, 2023

Woke up to another warm, sunny morning, so I took a punt and wore a pair of black knee-length shorts I’d bought secondhand a few months ago. I love them and feel that sense of freshness that comes from swapping one set of seasonal clothes for another.

Still, I felt the irresistible tug to window-shop when I took a mid-morning social media stroll — a picture of someone looking great in a plaid coat from the Uniqlo x Clare Wright Keller collab; stunning vintage Yves Klein blue rugby shirt that someone was selling on IG.

I started thinking about what I would buy once my six weeks was up. I’m enjoying the reprieve from shopping but also feeling like I’m being punished — at the same time.

Oct 2, 2023

Yesterday, I published the first two weeks’ of journal entries on my no-buy , and the response from readers was incredibly encouraging. It made me feel like it’s okay to if I don’t succeed, which in turn motivates me to keep chugging along. A big thanks to everyone who commented and shared about their experiences.

This morning, I sat down at my computer and did a quick check of my favourite wish-listed item on TRR again, before I knuckled down to work. In the afternoon, I do the thing that always chills me out: laundry.

First I round up the heaviest pieces that I don’t think I’ll need till next winter. I put the machine-washable pieces into the machine on a gentle cycle. For trickier wool items, I start by giving them a good brushing, then I steam them with a handheld steamer — this is my version of dry-cleaning. I hang them up on a balcony to air overnight before putting them away. I only dry-clean stuff if they’ve been exposed to something unusually gross (say, an airplanes and airplane bathrooms, hospital floors).

Finally, I do the ironing, which is my happy place; getting creases out of my clothes puts me in a meditative state. Also I tend appreciate the little details when I iron — the interfacing on my favourite trousers that nicely keep the pleats in place, for example. Or the pleasing way a collar curves when I iron it right.

The ironed side (right of the seam) looks so good.

Oct 4, 2023

Today I’m massively crushing this look from The Row’s summer ‘24 collection; the deep v-neck with a t-shirt under feels very sporty chic (and very Margiela for Hermès). So I decide to wear a navy v-neck vest my sister gave me, over a long-sleeve white tee — I like the sharp contrast created by the v-neck.

In the afternoon, I head out with my partner to catch a matinee performance by the Bangarra Dance Theatre (it was great, go watch it if you live in Australia). After the show, we get coffee and do a bit of window-shopping — I admired a very nice silk scarf at COS, and I eyed some t-shirts at Uniqlo, but on the whole I didn’t feel compelled to buy something. This week, I’m feeling like I have more clothes than I have time to wear them, and it’s making me feel less interested in buying things.

Oct 5, 2023

Woke up in the mood for sweatpants. I’ve been giving more thought to my outfits this week (aiming for “Lofted Settledness” a la

Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style

) and it is fun, but some days are unquestionably sweat pant days.

I put on my favourite pair, which is a nice autumnal brown (spring has stopped springing). It looks great with navy, which is convenient because I have four jumpers and three are navy. I pick one with extra long sleeves, and I knot a little silky scarf around my neck when I head out to grab a sandwich for lunch. (I love how Linda V Wright, owner of Crimson Cashmere, rocks a scarf).

I am reminded that feeling “dressed” is really about the one small sartorial gesture that makes me smile when I look in the mirror.

Oct 9, 2023

Today, as on previous days, I log into TRR while taking a morning break from work, to stalk my favourites (and add a few more things to the list).

But that itch of not be able to buy something has faded somewhat, replaced by a kind of fatigue from wanting too many things and finding ever more things to want.

It’s exhausting to want things without the release valve of buying and while I find myself eyeing things out of habit, I mostly just want to get on with my day. It doesn’t help that the news continues to be exceptionally horrifying.

In the evening, I spend a bit of time assessing the state of my staple pieces, like t-shirts. My wishlist is full of things like vintage satin trousers and velvet skirts, but really, what I need are a couple of new t-shirts. Of my current stash, one has a hole, two have necklines stretched beyond my tolerance level for such things, and three simply never fit well to begin with (graphic tees gifted by friends, a bad online purchase). I resolve to mend one, keep one until I find a replacement, and put the rest into my sleepwear pile.

Oct 12, 2023

Last night, I thought about the influencers I follow — both professional content creators as well as people who just post for fun — and their impact on my shopping habits. Of the hundreds of people I follow on what I call my “fashion IG account”, only three or four of them influence me to shop, but they are extremely powerful triggers, accounting for nearly all my click-throughs. The clicks don’t always convert into purchases, but they occupy a lot of headspace.

It follows that I should stop following these influencers in order to manage my shopping compulsion, but I don’t want to. I could write a whole newsletter about this, but to cut a long story short (and I am slightly embarrassed to say this): I aspire to dress like them. They are my fantasy selves, and even though I don’t actually buy everything they buy or even copy their outfits, I enjoy living vicariously through them as they lead their best style lives.

(I know how “Single White Female” this all sounds, so I want to stress that I do not actually want their lives; and I only “want” the contents of their wardrobe in a hypothetical way, the way I “wanted” to marry David Beckham when I was 14. I still want to be me.)

I have to be honest with myself about the fact that sometimes, I really, really just want someone else’s outfit. The craving is aesthetic, almost emotional, but it’s not necessarily an enduring one. These days, the conversation around personal style is often framed in terms of self-actualisation, but for me, sometimes it’s just a fancy way to justify shopping (“I’m expressing myself”). Admitting to myself that it’s a merely case of “I want what she’s having!” makes it easier to say no; deep down, I know the emotional durability isn’t there.

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Takeaways, weeks #3 and #4

The FOMO feeling of the first two weeks of my no-buy gave way to fussing over fit issues that make me feel meh about getting dressed:

• Straight-up poor fits — Clothes that pull or ride up in odd places and never sat right in the first place

• Great clothes that are no longer my size — This is a tough one to deal with, especially if the item isn’t something easily replaced

• Worn out pieces —Some of my basic items like tees and tanks are stretched out too much and don’t do the rest of my clothes any favours

This of course, triggered an urge to shop, but first, I had to do a minor declutter. Whatever it is, it can wait until my no-buy ends…

I also gave more thought to the things I have been influenced to want, and realised that more often than, not, I’m really just temporarily aspiring to someone else’s style. Sometimes there is genuine inspiration and buying the thing will unlock something in how I dress. But admitting to myself that it’s really just a moment of envy is helping to nip my cravings in the bud.

Four weeks, down, two more weeks to go!