Diary of a No-Buy, Vol. 3

The home stretch, and what's next.

About six weeks ago, I started journalling my thoughts on attempting a no-buy challenge for six weeks, to get into my own head and become more aware of why I do what I do.

Here are my entries for weeks five and six. Do also check out parts one and two if the whole journey interests you.

Oct 13, 2023

My resolve to not shop cracked a little this morning when I saw that a few items on my Obsessions list on TRR had been marked down further. Ditto a wishlist item on MatchesFashion that was now in its Outlet section. And a shirt I was watching on eBay.

Ah, the allure of a discount. Who doesn’t love the idea of a deal, scoring something for less, especially when said item has been sitting on been on our wishlists for a while?

I’m not against a sale buy — used strategically, sales are a great resource for buying something that would usually be well out of my budget. The key is having a well-edited list of saved favourites; if my list is full of haphazardly-added whims, then markdowns work against, rather than for, me.

The latter was the case right now. After a few minutes of staring at my wishlists, I felt that familiar creep of decision fatigue. I liked but didn’t love most of the items.

I shut my laptop. By evening, the urge to add things to cart had faded, and I was happily engrossed in a new K drama series on Disney+ about teenagers with superpowers (“Moving”).

Oct 15, 2023

It’s been a brutal week and you would think my appetite for fashion and shopping would have been dampened somewhat. Yet somehow, I found the energy to log onto TRR and Vestiaire, perhaps driven by consumerist autopilot.

Perhaps I thought shopping would be a good distraction, but as I scanned my “liked” items, my mind started jumping to alternatives in my wardrobe. For example, I’ve been loving a YSL handbag (from the Stefano Pilati days), but only today did I clock that my Céline Seau Sangle is pretty much the same bag in spirit, and in fact, a lot more practical and aligned with my style. I also had a velvet skirt earmarked for more than a month, now, but today I realised I got the same feeling from my silk slip dress, which works well whenever I’m craving a richer texture for my outfits.

Over the last few weeks, I’d given myself “permission” to buy something many times, whether it was a basic tee from Uniqlo or a pair of vintage Prada trousers on eBay. But so far, I’ve changed my mind in the end and let the urge pass.

And I have not regretted it a single time. Something new always came along to catch my fancy, or I would eventually come to the conclusion that I didn’t really want it after all.

This is not to say I won’t be buying anything from my wishlist once this no-buy ends. But I think this challenge has forced me to “wait and see” longer than I usually would, and as a result, fully reap the rewards of doing so, particularly when it comes to online shopping.

Oct 25, 2023

Walking around Bruny Island in Tasmania. I hardly took photos while I was there, because it felt great to get away from my phone a bit.

I just got back home today after a week in lutruwita (Tasmania), where my partner and I went on a little working holiday — since we can both work remotely, we try to take advantage of the flexibility with these little half-work-half-holiday trips.

I didn’t shop at all, not even online, the whole time. There was a lot to see and do whenever we weren’t working, and I enjoyed not going online — I found that I wasn’t often using social media or even reading my ebooks; I revelled in the fresh air, the spring weather, the even-present mountains in our sightline as we explored the island.

(What a privilege it is, to be able to escape. To immerse myself in the little pleasures of life. To breathe, to plan, to know there is a tomorrow.)

Back home, I started a load of laundry, and while waiting for it to be done, I opened my laptop. I caught up on my favourite YouTube channels, had a browse on TRR, and felt…unmoved. I still quite like most of the things on my Obsessions list but I was no longer obsessed.

While I was away, I wore pretty much the same thing every day — a selection of wool long-sleeve tees, paired with either my Needles utility pants or my Uniqlo knit skirt, and sneakers. I added a jacket where needed. It was a uniform of sorts, with the skirt and the trousers providing just enough variety to suit the needs and mood of the day.

Perhaps this combination of taking a break from “the fashion universe” — away from shopping, away from fashion content, temporarily embracing uniform dressing — made all the difference to my desire to buy things.

Oct 26, 2023

Today is the last day of my six-week no-buy. I made it! I didn’t buy any clothes for six weeks! It seems ridiculous that this can be considered a milestone, but I think this is the longest I’ve gone without buying a piece of clothing all year.

The first two weeks were the hardest. I felt intense FOMO every time I went online — I felt like I couldn’t live without some of the things I saw. I imagined all the fantastic outfits I would make with those pieces, the places I would go. I daydreamed incessantly. I felt bored by my clothes.

I had deleted shopping apps from my phone, but to make life interesting, I continued to go on social media, and I continued to window-shop on my laptop. I knew that reducing some of the internet stimuli in my life would have helped, but I also felt it was unrealistic to cut out all internet temptation. I wanted my no-buy to take place in the context of being constantly marketed to, for it to feel realistic as a challenge.

(I’m not sure what kept me going in these first two weeks; probably the shame I would have felt if I’d given up so quickly.)

The third and fourth weeks were a bit easier. I started noticing what my shopping triggers were, and I became better at identifying when I was just feeling straight-up envious that other people had new things and I didn’t. Or seeking a distraction from negative feelings.

I started focusing less on “what’s out there” and more on what’s in my closet, and as a result, became more aware of actual gaps in my wardrobe, such as worn out basics and clothes that no longer fit. This did triggered the urge to shop, but it also took the focus away from wanting things that didn’t fill these gaps; I wasn’t quite as swayed by “nice to have” things.

As time passed, I started viewing my wishlists differently — I became content to merely admire the fantasy collectibles, while the more “everyday” pieces became more appealing. I think this speaks to the heart of how I dress; I may fall in love with a spectacular Dries coat or silk dress, but I’m more likely to find true happiness in a pair of Dries jeans or khakis. Knowing this doesn’t necessarily help me shop less, but it does help me shop better and more intentionally.

I also had time to reflect on what I bought so far this year, and I was surprised that there were fewer regrets than I’d expected. I bought more than I intended to, but many of them made a big difference to me as I adapted to my life here in Australia (winters!) and my new body (going up a size). When I started on my no-buy, I felt I was buying too much, but looking back, I think it was the relentless pace of wanting something new all the time that I wanted to temper. Taking this break and letting my thoughts percolate before I bought more things, was highly necessary and I am glad I did it.

Perhaps what the made the last two weeks of my no-buy easier was that I was distracted by travelling and ignored fashion for a bit. Obviously I can’t jet off on a holiday every time I feel like I’m shopping too much, but I think it does show that consuming and engaging with fashion content more selectively is a huge part of reducing the compulsion to shop. I love reading about and seeing how people engage with style, but going forward I will have to set some limits around this.

So, what next?

At the outset of my no-buy, I worried that I would “revenge shop” once the six weeks was over. So it was something of a surprise that my urge to shop at the moment is actually lower than it was six weeks ago. I’ve come to view a no-buy less as a restriction and more as liberation, and I’m really enjoying this feeling (while it lasts).

I’m mulling over some habits I hope to cultivate over the next few months, which I hope will bring about more sustained, mindful consumption in the long run:

1. Limit my time on social media. For the past month, I’ve tried having a fixed “social media hour” every day instead of randomly scrolling throughout the day, and I stopped using my phone in bed. I don’t expect to be able to cut out social media fully, but just these tiny tweaks has freed up so much of my headspace over the last three weeks that I don’t think I want to go back to my old habits.

2. Shop less online. Over the past six weeks, I’ve noticed that I go on online shopping platforms nearly everyday, sometimes just out of habit. And inevitably, I will find something sort of nice, and start thinking about buying it. I’m thinking of having just one “online shopping” day a week, to break this habit of constant browsing. And I am definitely not re-installing the shopping apps I’ve deleted from my phone.

3. Give emphasis to shopping in person. Taking a break from buying things has made me realised that it’s ridiculous to project so much emotion and energy onto an image of a piece of clothing that I can’t touch or try on before buying. While the internet is genuinely a great resource for buying things not available to me locally, it’s just too easy to get carried away with the potential of something. I will still shop online but I want give more weight to shopping in person where possible. It’s a good way to slow down the buying cycle, and it’s overall just a more enjoyable experience for me — you cultivate patience and you learn something too: how a certain cut or fabric feels on your body, what quality feels (or doesn’t) feel like.

4. Reflect on what I have been wearing more regularly. I shop less when I make a conscious effort to think about what has served me well in my wardrobe. And I shop better when I think about what hasn’t. Recently I’d thinking about the things I’ve found useful and joyful to wear this past winter, and it prompted me to delete a few items on my wishlists.

5. Put in place my own shopping seasons. I’ve noticed that I tend to shop more in certain months — at the start of winter and summer (June and December), transitional seasons (April and Sept/Oct), and during big end-of-season sales (mostly January). I’m still mulling this but maybe I should only shop during those months or at least plan my shopping around those months. Or to put it another way, planned no-buys. I instinctively don’t like the idea of being too militant about this, but I am open to the idea of having guardrails that I can choose to use or disregard.

And that’s it! In summary, I would say that putting a very deliberate pause on shopping has been a good experience — it was a good break for reflection and just putting my anxieties into perspective, and I think I came out of it feeling more relaxed, for the lack of a better word.

With the year winding down, it feels like a good time to start thinking about my goals around consumption next year. If anyone has gotten a headstart on this, do share.